Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
