my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
