apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize