I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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