wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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