She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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