Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
