he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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