Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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