the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
