Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
