Me too!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
