Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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