She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
