So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
