Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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