I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize