she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
