I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
