About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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