Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
