If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize