69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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