Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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