dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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