were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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