I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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