There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
