Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
