two words: eviction party
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i've created a new STD.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
