I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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