ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
