He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
