it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
