sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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