Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize