So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We named our party play list daddy issues
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
