theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
