the new term for farting is butt boxing.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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