I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
