Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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