I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize