"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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