I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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