My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
