Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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