I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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