Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
