in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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