Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
