FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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