Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
