He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
