Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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