The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize