I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
