i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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