She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
another moral hangover. fuck.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm really busy with my period
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