I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize