I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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