wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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