Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
