I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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