I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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