Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize