Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
