i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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