But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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