Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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