I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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