Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
