It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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