Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
