just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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