Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
