Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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